Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style: Why It’s Dangerous and How to Cope

Are you the kind of person who avoids getting close to people for fear of being hurt? Do you struggle to trust new people or avoid them because you don’t think they’re trustworthy? If so, then chances are that you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style. Even if your life looks pretty lonely right now, rest assured that this is nothing permanent and that there are ways to remedy it. This article will explain the anxious-avoidant attachment style, why it happens and what you can do about it.


  • What Is an Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style?
  • Why Do Some People Develop an Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style?
  • The Dangers of the Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style
  • How to Cope
  • Conclusion

What Is an Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style?

Anxious-avoidant attachment styles are ways of relating to other people that stem from childhood experiences. If you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, you either felt too much closeness or too little as a child. You then use these feelings and experiences to guide your adult relationships without knowing it’s happening. An anxious attachment style means that you crave intimacy but fear it at the same time. An avoidant attachment style means you want to avoid intimacy, yet you desire it simultaneously. People with these attachment styles struggle to get close to others and maintain satisfying relationships.

Why Do Some People Develop an Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style?

An anxious-avoidant attachment style is often a result of a traumatic childhood, such as when a parent is abusive or neglectful towards a child. The child, who is unable to defend themselves, ends up feeling a huge amount of fear and discomfort at the hands of their parents, which leaves them unable to trust other people. An anxious-avoidant attachment style may also result from parents who are distant or unavailable to their children. If a parent is too busy to pay attention to their child or respond to their needs, the child will learn not to bother them for fear of being ignored.

The Dangers of the Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style

People with an anxious-avoidant attachment style often find it hard to find and maintain relationships. They may also find themselves stuck in abusive or unfulfilling relationships because they’re afraid to leave them. Anxious-avoidant people are also prone to various mental health conditions, such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and anxiety disorders. Anxious-avoidant people may also find it hard to have children. If they have children, they may find themselves unable to respond to their children’s needs and become uninvolved parents. Anxious-avoidant people are more likely to misuse substances such as alcohol or drugs.

How to Cope

– Learn to accept your feelings

You likely try to ignore and repress your feelings. People with this attachment style need to learn that it’s okay to feel what you feel and that you don’t have to hide your emotions.

– Explore your childhood

It’s important to explore your childhood issues. This doesn’t mean that you should relive them. Instead, you should talk to a therapist and seek out a support group in your area. 

– Find a therapist

If you suffer from mental health conditions, you should seek a therapist to help you navigate your feelings and overcome your anxieties. Therapists can help you recognize your anxious-avoidant attachment style and explore your childhood issues. 

– Learn how to trust 

You need to learn how to trust other people. If you’re in a relationship, you should make your partner aware of your anxious-avoidant attachment style and that you need time to let the relationship grow. 

– Learn how to communicate

You need to learn how to communicate with people. You should practice eye contact, speaking slowly, and speaking from your heart. 

– Learn how to be more assertive 

You likely have trouble being assertive and being assertive means standing up for yourself and what you want.


Anxious avoidant attachment styles can be very dangerous and cause people a lot of suffering. If you have this style, it is important to seek help to overcome it. You can do this in a variety of ways. If you overcome your anxious-avoidant attachment style, you will be able to find and maintain healthy relationships and live a happier and more fulfilling life.

The author of this article is a therapist from the Sensera app. Sensera is a daily 10-minute self-therapy app. It’ll help you to cope with various mental problems (anxiety, self-esteem, relationship issues). Feel better with CBT audio sessions and exercises. Download now to become happier!

Related Posts